








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 310 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 173 matches | ||
| Premier | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 34 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1675 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,539 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4017 | 38% |
| Smokes | 2715 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 1748 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 2059 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $359,961 of utility $82 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 96 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #15 | coub | 45% | 11 |
| #16 | Jimkillah | 45% | 86 |
| #17 | K3rod | 44% | 36 |
| #18 | ArmA | 40% | 15 |
| #19 | Aquadiurne | 31% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | jMkY | 3 | 0.0028 |
| #2 | Jean Guile | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | bOb* | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | Pelsdu40 | 1 | 0.0004 |
| #5 | Jimkillah | 1 | 0.0005 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Jean Guile | 327 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | jMkY | 165 | 0.16 | 4 min |
| #3 | K3rod | 156 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #4 | Jimkillah | 142 | 0.07 | 3 min |
| #5 | bOb* | 87 | 0.06 | 2 min |





