








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1015 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 278 matches | ||
| Wingman | 5 matches | ||
| Esplay | 1 match | 1,568 |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 59 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3437 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 11,321 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2224 | 20% |
| Smokes | 3239 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3583 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 2275 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,353,067 of utility $205 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 409 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sBr | 377 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | Buskas | 133 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #3 | Thimmie | 132 | 0.16 | 3 min |
| #4 | Korean Badboy ♛ | 128 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #5 | Rambobeaver007 | 122 | 0.03 | 3 min |





