








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 440 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 86 matches | ||
| Esplay | 6 matches | 2,041 | |
| Renown | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1252 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,547 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 708 | 20% |
| Smokes | 843 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 1116 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 880 | 25% |
Our logs show you have wasted $533,209 of utility $226 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 76 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #16 | Puen | 51% | 41 |
| #17 | mosing | 50% | 18 |
| #18 | Kree;E | 40% | 15 |
| #19 | barrabuddha | 36% | 14 |
| #20 | Purrelito | 25% | 8 |





