








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 169 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 317 matches | ||
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 27 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




18 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3503 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,194 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2203 | 17% |
| Smokes | 4661 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 2828 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3502 | 27% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,151,123 of utility $127 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 145 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Shojitabuchi | 50% | 107 |
| #2 | Blecy | 48% | 86 |
| #3 | nuKe | 48% | 61 |
| #4 | beii | 47% | 30 |
| #5 | Tex | 46% | 37 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | HeisT | 46% | 35 |
| #7 | GLUTEN блять | 44% | 27 |
| #8 | Etch | 44% | 117 |
| #9 | fuuv | 42% | 33 |
| #10 | Mark Corrigan (MA.MBA) | 40% | 43 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Etch | 6 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | Shojitabuchi | 4 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | nuKe | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | fuuv | 3 | 0.0042 |
| #5 | HeisT | 2 | 0.0026 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Etch | 944 | 0.36 | 25 min |
| #2 | Blecy | 256 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #3 | Shojitabuchi | 231 | 0.10 | 5 min |
| #4 | Mark Corrigan (MA.MBA) | 117 | 0.12 | 3 min |
| #5 | fuuv | 94 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | beii | +2.92 | 77 | 63 |
| #2 | ✪ Standrecht | +0.84 | 69 | 50 |
| #3 | fuuv | +0.82 | 71 | 64 |
| #4 | Shojitabuchi | -0.01 | 54 | 63 |
| #5 | Mark Corrigan (MA.MBA) | -0.12 | 42 | 63 |





