








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 559 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 632 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 91 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




31 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3674 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,998 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1911 | 12% |
| Smokes | 3787 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 4545 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 5755 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $3,598,235 of utility $241 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 8 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | CrashAndBurn | 50% | 101 |
| #2 | Keros | 47% | 135 |
| #3 | Cutie Duty | 45% | 170 |
| #4 | Tindy | 44% | 122 |
| #5 | xray7 | 44% | 228 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DenFlyvendeFjeldabe | 597 | 0.17 | 11 min |
| #2 | Tindy | 447 | 0.17 | 12 min |
| #3 | CrashAndBurn | 422 | 0.20 | 14 min |
| #4 | Cr4sh | 378 | 0.19 | 15 min |
| #5 | Keros | 296 | 0.11 | 7 min |





