








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 48 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 187 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 28 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,367 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2097 | 28% |
| Smokes | 1716 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 2005 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 1549 | 21% |
Our logs show you have wasted $236,730 of utility $54 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 30 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mattzerino cs | 51% | 210 |
| #2 | tOb!.de | 45% | 11 |
| #3 | [Mommy] NobodyAtAll | 41% | 64 |
| #4 | DerStein | 40% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mattzerino cs | 51% | 210 |
| #2 | tOb!.de | 45% | 11 |
| #3 | [Mommy] NobodyAtAll | 41% | 64 |
| #4 | DerStein | 40% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mattzerino cs | 8 | 0.0018 |
| #2 | DerStein | 5 | 0.0079 |
| #3 | [Mommy] NobodyAtAll | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #4 | tOb!.de | 1 | 0.0043 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mattzerino cs | 91 | 0.02 | 2 min |
| #2 | [Mommy] NobodyAtAll | 21 | 0.02 | 0 min |
| #3 | DerStein | 19 | 0.03 | 0 min |
| #4 | tOb!.de | 11 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mattzerino cs | +0.93 | 41 | 45 |
| #2 | DerStein | +0.62 | 48 | 42 |
| #3 | Zim | +0.21 | 18 | 61 |
| #4 | tOb!.de | +0.10 | 22 | 61 |
| #5 | [Mommy] NobodyAtAll | -5.16 | 10 | 23 |





