








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 95 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 17 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
587 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,643 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1290 | 35% |
| Smokes | 841 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1086 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 426 | 12% |
Our logs show you have wasted $117,392 of utility $64 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 92 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #8 | NozChrome™ 忍虎 | 45% | 33 |
| #9 | [TRIPWIRE] IRN BRU | 40% | 5 |
| #10 | 🍺Half-Cut | 22% | 9 |
| #11 | ♅ Commando™ | 20% | 5 |
| #12 | Tweakers 87 | 17% | 6 |





