










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 4 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 471 matches | ||
| Faceit | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 30 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2576 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,486 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1983 | 13% |
| Smokes | 6057 | 39% |
| HE Grenades | 3055 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 4391 | 28% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,716,923 of utility $153 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 236 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tree.? | 11 | 0.0023 |
| #2 | CL | 7 | 0.0049 |
| #3 | snor ᓚᘏᗢ | 5 | 0.0018 |
| #4 | Insert.? | 5 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | FLOP? | 2 | 0.0011 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Tree.? | 569 | 0.12 | 17 min |
| #2 | snor ᓚᘏᗢ | 364 | 0.13 | 10 min |
| #3 | FLOP? | 335 | 0.18 | 8 min |
| #4 | ikky ☁ | 203 | 0.14 | 5 min |
| #5 | Insert.? | 131 | 0.07 | 4 min |





