








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 177 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 872 matches | ||
| Faceit | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 70 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
7022 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,364 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 380 | 4% |
| Smokes | 749 | 7% |
| HE Grenades | 5175 | 50% |
| Molotovs | 4060 | 39% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,759,153 of utility $89 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 294 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Term | 46% | 190 |
| #2 | Bulk Bogan | 46% | 522 |
| #3 | judge_locust | 46% | 501 |
| #4 | [SCUM] Noobasaurus | 40% | 101 |
| #5 | Cid | 38% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Term | 46% | 190 |
| #2 | Bulk Bogan | 46% | 522 |
| #3 | judge_locust | 46% | 501 |
| #4 | [SCUM] Noobasaurus | 40% | 101 |
| #5 | Cid | 38% | 50 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | judge_locust | 26 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Bulk Bogan | 17 | 0.0015 |
| #3 | Term | 8 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | [SCUM] Noobasaurus | 4 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | Cid | 1 | 0.0010 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | judge_locust | 1580 | 0.15 | 43 min |
| #2 | Bulk Bogan | 1375 | 0.12 | 38 min |
| #3 | Term | 478 | 0.12 | 11 min |
| #4 | [SCUM] Noobasaurus | 230 | 0.11 | 6 min |
| #5 | Cid | 55 | 0.05 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | [SCUM] Noobasaurus | +3.74 | 63 | 61 |
| #2 | Term | +0.52 | 46 | 52 |
| #3 | Bulk Bogan | +0.15 | 45 | 64 |
| #4 | kasted | -0.67 | 25 | 25 |
| #5 | Cid | -1.70 | 36 | 47 |





