








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 161 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 26 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 7 different maps





Our logs show 18 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




1 of your human shaped victims was your teammate...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
243 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 950 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 180 | 19% |
| Smokes | 166 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 392 | 41% |
| Molotovs | 212 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $256,050 of utility $307 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1 message into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Beckmann | 45% | 29 |
| #5 | NapalM | 43% | 23 |
| #6 | Fazer | 42% | 31 |
| #7 | Noget | 39% | 38 |
| #8 | Roque | 36% | 28 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beckmann | 2 | 0.0034 |
| #2 | Fazer | 1 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | Roque | 1 | 0.0019 |
| #4 | AƨƨMole | 1 | 0.0147 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Beckmann | 47 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #2 | Fazer | 45 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #3 | Noget | 25 | 0.03 | 1 min |
| #4 | Roque | 23 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| #5 | NapalM | 16 | 0.03 | 0 min |





