








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 38 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 215 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 21 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2807 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,633 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2892 | 27% |
| Smokes | 2589 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2648 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 2504 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $600,401 of utility $98 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 124 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mjau ⛟ | 60% | 15 |
| #2 | MÄSKÄÄJÄ | 52% | 61 |
| #3 | faded | 48% | 83 |
| #4 | gaz | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | ✪ EagleZ | 47% | 201 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | gaz | 48% | 21 |
| #5 | ✪ EagleZ | 47% | 201 |
| #6 | Lars⛟ | 44% | 45 |
| #7 | Plankton | 44% | 102 |
| #8 | Monster-Man™ | 43% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ EagleZ | 6 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | faded | 3 | 0.0017 |
| #3 | Plankton | 2 | 0.0009 |
| #4 | Monster-Man™ | 2 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | gaz | 1 | 0.0023 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ EagleZ | 570 | 0.13 | 14 min |
| #2 | faded | 248 | 0.14 | 6 min |
| #3 | Monster-Man™ | 172 | 0.09 | 5 min |
| #4 | Lars⛟ | 76 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #5 | MÄSKÄÄJÄ | 47 | 0.04 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | faded | +2.53 | 83 | 62 |
| #2 | ✪ EagleZ | +2.43 | 82 | 65 |
| #3 | Emil | +1.08 | 72 | 61 |
| #4 | mjau ⛟ | -0.54 | 85 | 66 |
| #5 | MÄSKÄÄJÄ | -1.49 | 58 | 63 |





