








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 147 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1028 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,869 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1844 | 48% |
| Smokes | 320 | 8% |
| HE Grenades | 783 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 922 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $197,849 of utility $96 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 38 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | JOKANNNNNN | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | IcyDawg | 64% | 11 |
| #3 | Jacek | 60% | 5 |
| #4 | Ozzy | 55% | 11 |
| #5 | NothingSuitsMeLikeASuit | 53% | 55 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | L3mon | 1 | 0.0044 |
| #2 | Ozzy | 1 | 0.0045 |
| #3 | Jacek | 1 | 0.0083 |





