








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 138 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 60 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 36 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
905 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,860 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1171 | 30% |
| Smokes | 794 | 21% |
| HE Grenades | 1120 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 775 | 20% |
Our logs show you have wasted $447,160 of utility $178 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 67 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ★ Sovi3t ★ | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | Bwulf | 71% | 7 |
| #3 | BäärMi | 67% | 6 |
| #4 | namet | 67% | 6 |
| #5 | Sladdis | 60% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #16 | Pärra | 48% | 48 |
| #17 | sommie | 46% | 13 |
| #18 | Kev | 44% | 43 |
| #19 | Pace | 41% | 39 |
| #20 | discodev1L | 33% | 6 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | COUCHPOTATE | 3 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Pärra | 1 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | Kev | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | Pace | 1 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | KennyKentaur | 1 | 0.0017 |





