








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 219 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 293 matches | ||
| Faceit | 30 matches | ||
| Wingman | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 16 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3315 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 27,183 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9665 | 36% |
| Smokes | 7136 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 3910 | 14% |
| Molotovs | 6472 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $676,604 of utility $76 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 79 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Chester Chetos | 71% | 24 |
| #2 | derek-- | 57% | 93 |
| #3 | ButtSniffer ⛟ | 55% | 38 |
| #4 | Aaroonzskki | 52% | 184 |
| #5 | Spynergy^[S] | 51% | 202 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ✪ | Rincón 🏎 | 37 | 0.0116 |
| #2 | Aaroonzskki | 34 | 0.0085 |
| #3 | aRri | 25 | 0.0093 |
| #4 | Spynergy^[S] | 22 | 0.0050 |
| #5 | Gamaliel | 14 | 0.0169 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Spynergy^[S] | 611 | 0.14 | 15 min |
| #2 | Aaroonzskki | 488 | 0.12 | 12 min |
| #3 | aRri | 416 | 0.15 | 11 min |
| #4 | ✪ | Rincón 🏎 | 392 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #5 | derek-- | 290 | 0.15 | 7 min |





