










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 402 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 84 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




16 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3253 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 18,815 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4487 | 24% |
| Smokes | 5122 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 5663 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 3543 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,113,704 of utility $117 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 866 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WhiteWolf113 | 52% | 25 |
| #2 | ⭕⃤Grunduebel™ | 52% | 52 |
| #3 | Belvoglio | 48% | 33 |
| #4 | ⭕⃤Kalypsa™ | 48% | 69 |
| #5 | Thekenschlampe | 46% | 97 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thekenschlampe | 5 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Belvoglio | 4 | 0.0053 |
| #3 | ⭕⃤Kalypsa™ | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | ⭕⃤Grunduebel™ | 1 | 0.0010 |
| #5 | ☂ Reinhardt Stecken ☂ © | 1 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thekenschlampe | 295 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| #2 | ⭕⃤Kalypsa™ | 161 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | ⭕⃤Grunduebel™ | 82 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #4 | ☂ Reinhardt Stecken ☂ © | 60 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #5 | Nexo(GER) | 50 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thekenschlampe | +2.03 | 64 | 74 |
| #2 | WhiteWolf113 | +1.95 | 45 | 72 |
| #3 | ✪ † Punisher † ✪ | +0.83 | 59 | 56 |
| #4 | Nexo(GER) | +0.44 | 61 | 59 |
| #5 | ⭕⃤Kalypsa™ | +0.13 | 52 | 65 |





