








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 710 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 831 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




51 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5692 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,226 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 9262 | 35% |
| Smokes | 9061 | 35% |
| HE Grenades | 4329 | 17% |
| Molotovs | 3574 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,515,981 of utility $132 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 689 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | DoF| The GRANDPA™ | 40% | 167 |
| #7 | DoF| GRANDPA™ | 39% | 51 |
| #8 | DoF| somethingvanilla | 39% | 122 |
| #9 | DoF.R| ProfPorter | 38% | 125 |
| #10 | DoF| MaMaBear | 33% | 87 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | DoF| Chappy | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #2 | DoF| The GRANDPA™ | 5 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Calizor | 5 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | DoF.R| ProfPorter | 5 | 0.0019 |
| #5 | DoF| somethingvanilla | 5 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Calizor | 530 | 0.18 | 13 min |
| #2 | DoF.R| ProfPorter | 494 | 0.19 | 10 min |
| #3 | DoF| Chappy | 299 | 0.08 | 7 min |
| #4 | Jae-Ha | 286 | 0.22 | 6 min |
| #5 | DoF| The GRANDPA™ | 199 | 0.06 | 5 min |





