








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 8 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 162 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match | ||
| Faceit | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




27 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1563 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,038 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 965 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1963 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 1609 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 2501 | 36% |
Our logs show you have wasted $791,493 of utility $155 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | napkiN^ | 51% | 53 |
| #2 | Dimebag_- | 50% | 14 |
| #3 | mdJ | 47% | 17 |
| #4 | Bongkrekic Acid | 46% | 70 |
| #5 | Cure | 45% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | mdJ | 47% | 17 |
| #4 | Bongkrekic Acid | 46% | 70 |
| #5 | Cure | 45% | 20 |
| #6 | Philandra | 44% | 73 |
| #7 | Superfreak | 35% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | napkiN^ | 4 | 0.0036 |
| #2 | Bongkrekic Acid | 2 | 0.0014 |
| #3 | Dimebag_- | 2 | 0.0076 |
| #4 | mdJ | 1 | 0.0027 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | napkiN^ | 245 | 0.22 | 5 min |
| #2 | mdJ | 89 | 0.24 | 2 min |
| #3 | Cure | 81 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #4 | Superfreak | 61 | 0.14 | 1 min |
| #5 | Dimebag_- | 61 | 0.23 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | napkiN^ | +8.71 | 71 | 73 |
| #2 | Superfreak | +6.39 | 86 | 77 |
| #3 | mdJ | +4.28 | 44 | 82 |
| #4 | LordBeekz | +0.32 | 35 | 61 |
| #5 | Dimebag_- | -2.13 | 26 | 71 |





