








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 34 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 47 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 1 Chicken Has been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
989 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,128 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1204 | 29% |
| Smokes | 938 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 996 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 990 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $202,773 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 18 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mo murda | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | John Wickr | 64% | 39 |
| #3 | zpA | 46% | 71 |
| #4 | MacLeod | 41% | 27 |
| #5 | Boltar | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | mo murda | 73% | 11 |
| #2 | John Wickr | 64% | 39 |
| #3 | zpA | 46% | 71 |
| #4 | MacLeod | 41% | 27 |
| #5 | Boltar | 32% | 19 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | John Wickr | 3 | 0.0038 |
| #2 | zpA | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #3 | MacLeod | 1 | 0.0017 |
| #4 | mo murda | 1 | 0.0045 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zpA | 380 | 0.25 | 10 min |
| #2 | John Wickr | 140 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #3 | MacLeod | 58 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #4 | Boltar | 49 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | mo murda | 34 | 0.15 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | zpA | +2.11 | 74 | 75 |
| #2 | John Wickr | +1.74 | 76 | 74 |
| #3 | mo murda | +0.50 | 51 | 64 |
| #4 | Boltar | -0.25 | 64 | 65 |
| #5 | mooncat | -0.77 | 62 | 63 |





