








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 567 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 146 matches | ||
| Faceit | 56 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 77 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2127 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 12,016 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 2481 | 21% |
| Smokes | 3673 | 31% |
| HE Grenades | 2935 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2927 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $851,083 of utility $150 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 33 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | 'DavE | 53% | 218 |
| #6 | Erazze | 49% | 105 |
| #7 | Raffnix | 46% | 115 |
| #8 | BieneMaja | 38% | 16 |
| #9 | General Gazpacho | 37% | 27 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Erazze | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | 'DavE | 4 | 0.0009 |
| #3 | General Gazpacho | 3 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | Bread Dog | 2 | 0.0006 |
| #5 | Harvey Specter | 1 | 0.0022 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Raffnix | 400 | 0.16 | 11 min |
| #2 | Bread Dog | 326 | 0.10 | 9 min |
| #3 | Erazze | 230 | 0.10 | 6 min |
| #4 | Harvey Specter | 117 | 0.25 | 3 min |
| #5 | 'DavE | 103 | 0.02 | 3 min |





