










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 0 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.

| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 3 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
318 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,169 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 232 | 20% |
| Smokes | 443 | 38% |
| HE Grenades | 215 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 279 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $308,054 of utility $208 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 77 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Alright. | 43% | 7 |
| #2 | ♿♿Valby♿♿ | 40% | 15 |
| #3 | Valby | 28% | 61 |
| #4 | MR. SLOW | 27% | 22 |
| #5 | Sick&Tw!steD | 25% | 4 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Valby | 2 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | MR. SLOW | 1 | 0.0020 |
| #3 | ♿♿Valby♿♿ | 1 | 0.0031 |
| #4 | Sick&Tw!steD | 1 | 0.0119 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Valby | 82 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #2 | ♿♿Valby♿♿ | 57 | 0.18 | 2 min |
| #3 | MR. SLOW | 41 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| #4 | Surtur | 11 | 0.13 | 0 min |
| #5 | Alright. | 8 | 0.06 | 0 min |





