








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 460 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 134 matches | ||
| Premier | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 51 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




24 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4903 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 25,117 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5190 | 21% |
| Smokes | 6882 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 7313 | 29% |
| Molotovs | 5732 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $922,276 of utility $90 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 886 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | ironthys | 52% | 399 |
| #4 | ☯ LeRoiPilaf ☯ | 49% | 193 |
| #5 | LaSauce | 47% | 270 |
| #6 | Myshhh | 38% | 26 |
| #7 | ClemC | 32% | 25 |





