








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 283 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 89 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 25 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 15 matches | ||
| Faceit | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Wingman | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 17 different maps





Our logs show 41 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




11 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2862 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,347 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4040 | 28% |
| Smokes | 4199 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 3464 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 2644 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $864,325 of utility $102 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 268 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #7 | Doubie | 47% | 72 |
| #8 | SWAGGY PANTS | 46% | 24 |
| #9 | Alzeryx | 46% | 94 |
| #10 | *balls* | 35% | 26 |
| #11 | ForZa | 34% | 62 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Strike (aka. Flame) | 15 | 0.0042 |
| #2 | Doubie | 11 | 0.0076 |
| #3 | Alzeryx | 10 | 0.0053 |
| #4 | ForZa | 6 | 0.0048 |
| #5 | SanderManderen | 3 | 0.0028 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Strike (aka. Flame) | 417 | 0.12 | 8 min |
| #2 | BrowniiE | 207 | 0.25 | 6 min |
| #3 | ForZa | 123 | 0.10 | 3 min |
| #4 | Alzeryx | 97 | 0.05 | 2 min |
| #5 | Doubie | 82 | 0.06 | 2 min |





