










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 33 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 80 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 11 different maps





Our logs show 10 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




4 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1135 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,554 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1795 | 51% |
| Smokes | 575 | 16% |
| HE Grenades | 868 | 24% |
| Molotovs | 316 | 9% |
Our logs show you have wasted $196,926 of utility $67 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 345 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ADarkFigure | 64% | 11 |
| #2 | BeanBlaster5000xTurbo | 63% | 8 |
| #3 | babylumpkins | 50% | 12 |
| #4 | Ҳ ™ | 46% | 13 |
| #5 | Autistic Penguin | 44% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EVIL poohbear | 6 | 0.0027 |
| #2 | Swarley Manson's Yoga Pants | 3 | 0.0075 |
| #3 | Autistic Penguin | 2 | 0.0058 |
| #4 | Kuya BAGSIK | 2 | 0.0109 |
| #5 | babylumpkins | 2 | 0.0135 |





