








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 113 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 154 matches | ||
| Faceit | 51 matches | ||
| Esplay | 3 matches | 1,766 | |
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2782 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 10,406 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4767 | 46% |
| Smokes | 2123 | 20% |
| HE Grenades | 2067 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 1449 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $528,004 of utility $95 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 266 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #6 | Ruudaan | 54% | 59 |
| #7 | CATKNIFE | 38% | 24 |
| #8 | Knas | 35% | 23 |
| #9 | Pippin | Bla-Bla-Bla-Player | 35% | 23 |
| #10 | Fredd | 27% | 22 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pippin | Bla-Bla-Bla-Player | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #2 | Fredd | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Raazen | 1 | 0.0007 |
| #4 | daniel | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | Knas | 1 | 0.0019 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ruudaan | 156 | 0.13 | 4 min |
| #2 | Raazen | 146 | 0.11 | 4 min |
| #3 | daniel | 94 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| #4 | DRAEPER;_; | 86 | 0.22 | 2 min |
| #5 | Knas | 82 | 0.16 | 3 min |





