








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 267 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 236 matches | ||
| Faceit | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 68 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2029 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,550 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1020 | 14% |
| Smokes | 2689 | 36% |
| HE Grenades | 2129 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 1712 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,177,426 of utility $196 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 48 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MadDog | 56% | 45 |
| #2 | Dr.Robbe | 53% | 15 |
| #3 | qntm | 52% | 27 |
| #4 | aykaramba2k | 51% | 122 |
| #5 | lawlessNugget | 49% | 35 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | carni | 5 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | detto | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | aykaramba2k | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #4 | Bolle1337 | 2 | 0.0012 |
| #5 | MadDog | 2 | 0.0021 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | detto | 523 | 0.13 | 16 min |
| #2 | Bolle1337 | 203 | 0.12 | 6 min |
| #3 | neok | 171 | 0.06 | 4 min |
| #4 | carni | 122 | 0.06 | 3 min |
| #5 | MadDog | 88 | 0.09 | 3 min |





