








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 680 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 492 matches | ||
| Faceit | 60 matches | ||
| Wingman | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 79 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




26 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3815 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 24,976 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6743 | 27% |
| Smokes | 7170 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 6370 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 4693 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,451,685 of utility $192 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 117 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Ole Wedel | 50% | 32 |
| #2 | JT | 50% | 38 |
| #3 | J. "BeZzy" Korsgaard | 48% | 31 |
| #4 | Thomas :-) | 45% | 77 |
| #5 | Safe | 45% | 31 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Safe | 45% | 31 |
| #6 | B3NDTS3N | 44% | 54 |
| #7 | basco | 41% | 58 |
| #8 | Pixie | 41% | 37 |
| #9 | Deranged Savior ツ ツ | 39% | 41 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Thomas :-) | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #2 | basco | 3 | 0.0024 |
| #3 | Pixie | 3 | 0.0044 |
| #4 | Safe | 3 | 0.0047 |
| #5 | JT | 2 | 0.0029 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | basco | 195 | 0.15 | 5 min |
| #2 | B3NDTS3N | 148 | 0.13 | 3 min |
| #3 | Pixie | 103 | 0.15 | 3 min |
| #4 | Ole Wedel | 59 | 0.08 | 2 min |
| #5 | JT | 53 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Deranged Savior ツ ツ | +1.55 | 64 | 60 |
| #2 | B3NDTS3N | +0.47 | 40 | 70 |
| #3 | JT | +0.39 | 52 | 65 |
| #4 | J. "BeZzy" Korsgaard | +0.29 | 48 | 75 |
| #5 | Safe | -1.07 | 23 | 63 |





