








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 164 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September

The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 39 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 2 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 12 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




6 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
515 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 1,098 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 49 | 4% |
| Smokes | 306 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 277 | 25% |
| Molotovs | 466 | 42% |
Our logs show you have wasted $205,168 of utility $143 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 24 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | FetGucked | 5 | 0.0221 |
| #2 | Fjetten | 4 | 0.0110 |
| #3 | "Ima" | 2 | 0.0046 |
| #4 | Johnny Frimund | 1 | 0.0068 |
| #5 | I hate anime. | 1 | 0.0083 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | "Ima" | 128 | 0.30 | 3 min |
| #2 | Fjetten | 72 | 0.20 | 2 min |
| #3 | FetGucked | 65 | 0.29 | 2 min |
| #4 | shirtman | 35 | 0.26 | 1 min |
| #5 | escomx | 33 | 0.16 | 1 min |





