








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 157 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Wingman | 100 matches | ||
| Premier | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 22 different maps





Our logs show 2 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2279 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,044 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1075 | 27% |
| Smokes | 686 | 17% |
| HE Grenades | 1212 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 1071 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $462,655 of utility $136 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TeXaSs^ | 76% | 159 |
| #2 | chimi | 50% | 32 |
| #3 | GsL battery acid | 48% | 25 |
| #4 | Kazoo | 42% | 24 |
| #5 | JoshGibson | 40% | 20 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | TeXaSs^ | 14 | 0.0057 |
| #2 | chimi | 14 | 0.0214 |
| #3 | Kazoo | 2 | 0.0039 |
| #4 | GsL battery acid | 2 | 0.0041 |
| #5 | JoshGibson | 2 | 0.0048 |





