








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 17 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September
The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 49 matches | ||
| Faceit | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show No Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




3 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
769 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,151 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 511 | 24% |
| Smokes | 567 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 564 | 26% |
| Molotovs | 509 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $211,387 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 0 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | redpromoe曙 | 78% | 9 |
| #2 | Joe Byron | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | focamypaq | 50% | 4 |
| #4 | Hazzoni | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | ChildKing | 50% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | Joe Byron | 60% | 15 |
| #3 | focamypaq | 50% | 4 |
| #4 | Hazzoni | 50% | 20 |
| #5 | ChildKing | 50% | 24 |
| #6 | mopsinator | 38% | 16 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ChildKing | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #2 | Hazzoni | 2 | 0.0048 |
| #3 | redpromoe曙 | 2 | 0.0105 |
| #4 | mopsinator | 1 | 0.0030 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Hazzoni | 66 | 0.16 | 2 min |
| #2 | ChildKing | 43 | 0.09 | 1 min |
| #3 | redpromoe曙 | 30 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Joe Byron | 29 | 0.10 | 1 min |
| #5 | focamypaq | 18 | 0.20 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Joe Byron | +2.49 | 86 | 70 |
| #2 | Hazzoni | +1.27 | 72 | 69 |
| #3 | SixFiveSwede ✿ | +0.65 | 67 | 58 |
| #4 | redpromoe曙 | +0.06 | 49 | 51 |
| #5 | ChildKing | -0.27 | 67 | 61 |





