








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 126 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 208 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 5 matches | ||
| Wingman | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 19 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
2130 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 5,519 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 618 | 11% |
| Smokes | 1472 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 1757 | 32% |
| Molotovs | 1672 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $487,352 of utility $81 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 143 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nackenpflaster | 60% | 20 |
| #2 | Knubz | 55% | 20 |
| #3 | Leidenschaft_für_Scheidensaft | 55% | 40 |
| #4 | nicht Schroti. | 53% | 64 |
| #5 | IreZ | 53% | 38 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | nicht Schroti. | 7 | 0.0056 |
| #2 | Knubz🦧 | 4 | 0.0016 |
| #3 | IreZ | 4 | 0.0050 |
| #4 | oese0 | 3 | 0.0046 |
| #5 | Schumi | 3 | 0.0087 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Knubz🦧 | 100 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #2 | Leidenschaft_für_Scheidensaft | 61 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| #3 | IreZ | 54 | 0.07 | 1 min |
| #4 | Schumi | 52 | 0.15 | 2 min |
| #5 | nicht Schroti. | 39 | 0.03 | 1 min |





