








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 978 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 443 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 103 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




19 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5443 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 14,544 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 3419 | 24% |
| Smokes | 4142 | 28% |
| HE Grenades | 4527 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 2456 | 17% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,677,926 of utility $240 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 226 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .Kuyawho! | 50% | 36 |
| #2 | a lemon | 48% | 124 |
| #3 | Epkz. | 47% | 418 |
| #4 | kev ツ | 47% | 98 |
| #5 | tsaiduk | 47% | 284 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | .Kuyawho! | 50% | 36 |
| #2 | a lemon | 48% | 124 |
| #3 | Epkz. | 47% | 418 |
| #4 | kev ツ | 47% | 98 |
| #5 | tsaiduk | 47% | 284 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | tsaiduk | 12 | 0.0019 |
| #2 | Epkz. | 9 | 0.0010 |
| #3 | kev ツ | 3 | 0.0014 |
| #4 | a lemon | 2 | 0.0007 |
| #5 | .Kuyawho! | 1 | 0.0013 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Epkz. | 1023 | 0.11 | 24 min |
| #2 | kev ツ | 330 | 0.15 | 9 min |
| #3 | tsaiduk | 299 | 0.05 | 8 min |
| #4 | a lemon | 236 | 0.09 | 7 min |
| #5 | .Kuyawho! | 82 | 0.11 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Lng | +2.67 | 75 | 62 |
| #2 | .Kuyawho! | +1.98 | 69 | 67 |
| #3 | a lemon | -0.14 | 56 | 64 |
| #4 | kev ツ | -1.36 | 61 | 60 |
| #5 | Epkz. | -1.70 | 38 | 57 |





