








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 134 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 440 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 12 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




12 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3666 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,955 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1479 | 11% |
| Smokes | 4019 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 5237 | 38% |
| Molotovs | 3220 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,578,278 of utility $131 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 414 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | HOT SHOT | 58% | 36 |
| #2 | Steph Curry | 54% | 41 |
| #3 | Tuggy | 51% | 55 |
| #4 | Brucey | 50% | 178 |
| #5 | As useful as a bulls tit | 48% | 127 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brucey | 17 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | Classy | 10 | 0.0036 |
| #3 | Airhorn Jesus | 8 | 0.0041 |
| #4 | As useful as a bulls tit | 3 | 0.0011 |
| #5 | HoodedXArcher | 3 | 0.0014 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Brucey | 672 | 0.18 | 18 min |
| #2 | Classy | 374 | 0.13 | 11 min |
| #3 | As useful as a bulls tit | 286 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #4 | bakkadilla | 256 | 0.12 | 7 min |
| #5 | HarryBallsonya | 145 | 0.10 | 4 min |





