








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 98 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 66 matches | ||
| Faceit | 11 matches | ||
| Renown | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 4 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1294 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 3,683 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1088 | 30% |
| Smokes | 1073 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 659 | 18% |
| Molotovs | 863 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $258,330 of utility $111 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 43 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | simix | 75% | 8 |
| #2 | vekSw0w | 59% | 27 |
| #3 | NIELS2 | 58% | 12 |
| #4 | EffecT- | 54% | 35 |
| #5 | keviNNN2Shae | 47% | 32 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EffecT- | 2 | 0.0026 |
| #2 | NIELS2 | 1 | 0.0037 |
| #3 | BmD | 1 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | simix | 1 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | EffecT- | 133 | 0.17 | 4 min |
| #2 | vekSw0w | 122 | 0.21 | 4 min |
| #3 | keviNNN2Shae | 68 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | BmD | 43 | 0.17 | 1 min |
| #5 | NIELS2 | 30 | 0.11 | 0 min |





