








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 172 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 410 matches | ||
| Wingman | 13 matches | ||
| Faceit | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 31 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




8 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3651 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 8,175 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1140 | 14% |
| Smokes | 1926 | 24% |
| HE Grenades | 2686 | 33% |
| Molotovs | 2423 | 30% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,739,153 of utility $181 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 15 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MΓ -vonΓunn- | 67% | 33 |
| #2 | Jansu β½^-β©-^βΌ | 65% | 23 |
| #3 | Thouniβ€ | 63% | 30 |
| #4 | ππ
πΎπ»πΆππΎπΆ | 56% | 32 |
| #5 | MaK | 50% | 24 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | Thouniβ€ | 63% | 30 |
| #4 | ππ
πΎπ»πΆππΎπΆ | 56% | 32 |
| #5 | MaK | 50% | 24 |
| #6 | GrumpyTattooedMom | 50% | 184 |
| #7 | ππππππππ | 43% | 30 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GrumpyTattooedMom | 3 | 0.0008 |
| #2 | ππ
πΎπ»πΆππΎπΆ | 2 | 0.0030 |
| #3 | Jansu β½^-β©-^βΌ | 2 | 0.0040 |
| #4 | ππππππππ | 1 | 0.0016 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | GrumpyTattooedMom | 144 | 0.04 | 3 min |
| #2 | Thouniβ€ | 75 | 0.12 | 2 min |
| #3 | ππ
πΎπ»πΆππΎπΆ | 63 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | Jansu β½^-β©-^βΌ | 62 | 0.12 | 1 min |
| #5 | MΓ -vonΓunn- | 54 | 0.08 | 1 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | MΓ -vonΓunn- | +4.32 | 89 | 74 |
| #2 | MaK | +4.27 | 73 | 70 |
| #3 | ππππππππ | +3.11 | 72 | 62 |
| #4 | ππ
πΎπ»πΆππΎπΆ | +2.02 | 80 | 64 |
| #5 | DJ NAUKKIS | -0.32 | 67 | 44 |





