








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 151 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 239 matches | ||
| Faceit | 66 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 8 different maps





Our logs show 57 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




5 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3174 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 15,224 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 4902 | 32% |
| Smokes | 4415 | 29% |
| HE Grenades | 2428 | 16% |
| Molotovs | 3479 | 23% |
Our logs show you have wasted $894,586 of utility $120 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 47 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Nahassa | 57% | 23 |
| #2 | Kirsten Kamelklapper | 54% | 114 |
| #3 | Banana Joe [SG] | 53% | 34 |
| #4 | StaN | 52% | 161 |
| #5 | Uriel | 52% | 25 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StaN | 7 | 0.0020 |
| #2 | SandeN> | 3 | 0.0029 |
| #3 | Kirsten Kamelklapper | 2 | 0.0008 |
| #4 | Blazing | 2 | 0.0015 |
| #5 | zlunk | 1 | 0.0006 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | StaN | 561 | 0.16 | 20 min |
| #2 | zlunk | 327 | 0.19 | 8 min |
| #3 | Kirsten Kamelklapper | 241 | 0.10 | 8 min |
| #4 | SandeN> | 221 | 0.21 | 7 min |
| #5 | Blazing | 89 | 0.07 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | SandeN> | +4.44 | 91 | 71 |
| #2 | zlunk | +2.86 | 58 | 77 |
| #3 | Banana Joe [SG] | +2.40 | 77 | 62 |
| #4 | StaN | +0.49 | 62 | 81 |
| #5 | Nahassa | +0.31 | 65 | 78 |





