








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 657 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 214 matches | ||
| Faceit | 198 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 180 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 93 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Golden | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Edin | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 67 different maps





Our logs show 23 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




34 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4846 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 23,638 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 6506 | 28% |
| Smokes | 7623 | 32% |
| HE Grenades | 4920 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 4589 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,854,219 of utility $151 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 693 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | - 乙 ㄖ Đ丨卂 尺 Ҝ | 57% | 158 |
| #6 | ThisIsMyPiss | 53% | 55 |
| #7 | Rigatoni | 53% | 55 |
| #8 | Beaver | 51% | 55 |
| #9 | AgentE0464 | 43% | 72 |





