








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 496 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 310 matches | ||
| Faceit | 148 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 5 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Office | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Jura | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 40 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




10 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6993 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 19,653 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 5198 | 26% |
| Smokes | 6706 | 34% |
| HE Grenades | 4221 | 21% |
| Molotovs | 3528 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,597,827 of utility $135 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 170 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Higgley Armstrong | 57% | 244 |
| #2 | Here to derank | 57% | 146 |
| #3 | WesleyK | 56% | 232 |
| #4 | Jemz | 54% | 52 |
| #5 | Penis Carter Jr. | 52% | 216 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Jemz | 54% | 52 |
| #5 | Penis Carter Jr. | 52% | 216 |
| #6 | KIAEddZ | 52% | 369 |
| #7 | Google Slides | 48% | 48 |
| #8 | Geralt | 46% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Higgley Armstrong | 6 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | WesleyK | 6 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | Here to derank | 4 | 0.0013 |
| #4 | Geralt | 4 | 0.0025 |
| #5 | KIAEddZ | 3 | 0.0004 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Here to derank | 592 | 0.19 | 17 min |
| #2 | Higgley Armstrong | 532 | 0.10 | 13 min |
| #3 | WesleyK | 457 | 0.09 | 12 min |
| #4 | Penis Carter Jr. | 261 | 0.06 | 8 min |
| #5 | Geralt | 222 | 0.14 | 7 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Pyro | +3.39 | 82 | 62 |
| #2 | WesleyK | +2.05 | 87 | 56 |
| #3 | Higgley Armstrong | +1.35 | 63 | 61 |
| #4 | Geralt | +0.37 | 81 | 64 |
| #5 | Here to derank | -0.62 | 70 | 68 |





