








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 715 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Inferno | 113 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 111 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 87 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 70 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 68 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 57 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 43 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 31 matches | ||
| Premier | 21 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 15 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 14 different maps





Our logs show 96 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




39 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
4996 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 7,898 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1546 | 20% |
| Smokes | 882 | 11% |
| HE Grenades | 2456 | 31% |
| Molotovs | 3014 | 38% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,918,801 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 757 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Swayz | 66% | 44 |
| #2 | the majestical testicle | 49% | 224 |
| #3 | 한국어로 예순일곱 | 49% | 51 |
| #4 | George W Kush | 44% | 48 |
| #5 | fn phil | 44% | 64 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the majestical testicle | 19 | 0.0045 |
| #2 | fn phil | 19 | 0.0155 |
| #3 | Swayz | 12 | 0.0146 |
| #4 | Crye | 6 | 0.0033 |
| #5 | George W Kush | 5 | 0.0052 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the majestical testicle | 656 | 0.15 | 14 min |
| #2 | 한국어로 예순일곱 | 199 | 0.20 | 6 min |
| #3 | Crye | 165 | 0.09 | 4 min |
| #4 | Swayz | 153 | 0.19 | 3 min |
| #5 | fn phil | 104 | 0.08 | 3 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | the majestical testicle | +3.98 | 81 | 41 |
| #2 | Crye | +3.71 | 84 | 47 |
| #3 | Swayz | +2.57 | 75 | 35 |
| #4 | Sir Gentle Sire | -0.09 | 58 | 35 |
| #5 | 한국어로 예순일곱 | -1.00 | 44 | 51 |





