








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 1495 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Office | 467 matches | ||
| Premier | 403 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 49 matches | ||
| Wingman | 42 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 32 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 23 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 22 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 20 matches | ||
| Faceit | 20 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 19 different maps





Our logs show 46 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




225 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
10753 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 53,477 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 17570 | 33% |
| Smokes | 14211 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 12112 | 23% |
| Molotovs | 9584 | 18% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,855,139 of utility $74 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1695 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | Monday | 49% | 312 |
| #5 | PEARL_JAM | 48% | 365 |
| #6 | capybara | 46% | 470 |
| #7 | Sandraker | 46% | 91 |
| #8 | Adnane | 32% | 77 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | capybara | 84 | 0.0090 |
| #2 | PEARL_JAM | 52 | 0.0070 |
| #3 | Monday | 48 | 0.0078 |
| #4 | Adnane | 12 | 0.0081 |
| #5 | Command.X | 11 | 0.0049 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | capybara | 2168 | 0.23 | 39 min |
| #2 | Monday | 1159 | 0.19 | 34 min |
| #3 | Command.X | 722 | 0.32 | 16 min |
| #4 | PEARL_JAM | 702 | 0.09 | 10 min |
| #5 | Excessum | 298 | 0.07 | 7 min |





