










System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 48 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Competitive Ancient | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 6 different maps





Our logs show 5 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




0 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Your loyalty is impressive.
51 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 146 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 29 | 20% |
| Smokes | 39 | 27% |
| HE Grenades | 62 | 42% |
| Molotovs | 16 | 11% |
Our logs show you have wasted $24,925 of utility $142 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 14 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yoris | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | HomeInvaderSimpson | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | paulie | 40% | 5 |
| #4 | Blenderino | 40% | 5 |
| #5 | Yeetus Hoonkus | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yoris | 71% | 7 |
| #2 | HomeInvaderSimpson | 67% | 3 |
| #3 | paulie | 40% | 5 |
| #4 | Blenderino | 40% | 5 |
| #5 | Yeetus Hoonkus | 38% | 8 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | yoris | 1 | 0.0077 |
| #2 | paulie | 1 | 0.0102 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yeetus Hoonkus | 15 | 0.11 | 1 min |
| #2 | yoris | 11 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #3 | Blenderino | 8 | 0.08 | 0 min |
| #4 | paulie | 5 | 0.05 | 0 min |
| #5 | HomeInvaderSimpson | 4 | 0.06 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Yeetus Hoonkus | +3.46 | 86 | 59 |
| #2 | yoris | +3.34 | 66 | 39 |
| #3 | HomeInvaderSimpson | -0.52 | 56 | 24 |
| #4 | 2010 Honda Civic Si | -2.16 | 66 | 36 |
| #5 | Blenderino | -2.95 | 39 | 18 |





