








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 520 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 91 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 46 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 9 matches | ||
| Faceit | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 6 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 1 match | ||
| Competitive Golden | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 16 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




15 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3789 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,242 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1180 | 28% |
| Smokes | 961 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1489 | 35% |
| Molotovs | 612 | 14% |
Our logs show you have wasted $565,253 of utility $104 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 165 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | listen to you hawrt :3 | 12 | 0.0033 |
| #2 | cat | 9 | 0.0042 |
| #3 | bob | 9 | 0.0129 |
| #4 | Ishmael | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #5 | GHOSTKILLA | 6 | 0.0035 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | bhroma | 457 | 0.14 | 10 min |
| #2 | Ishmael | 428 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #3 | cat | 398 | 0.19 | 11 min |
| #4 | listen to you hawrt :3 | 188 | 0.05 | 4 min |
| #5 | GHOSTKILLA | 137 | 0.08 | 3 min |





