








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 221 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September



The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 82 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 10 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 2 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 13 different maps





Our logs show 7 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




9 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
846 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 2,902 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 24 | 1% |
| Smokes | 2010 | 69% |
| HE Grenades | 312 | 11% |
| Molotovs | 556 | 19% |
Our logs show you have wasted $1,140,724 of utility $240 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 5 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gunmaster | 11 | 0.0046 |
| #2 | MARAKESH | 9 | 0.0051 |
| #3 | Tazerface | 7 | 0.0074 |
| #4 | Die_kwagga_vis | 5 | 0.0027 |
| #5 | Fire-Ball | 4 | 0.0017 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gunmaster | 413 | 0.17 | 9 min |
| #2 | D-X | 86 | 0.05 | 3 min |
| #3 | Pepe Julian Onzima | 73 | 0.16 | 1 min |
| #4 | Die_kwagga_vis | 71 | 0.04 | 2 min |
| #5 | MARAKESH | 55 | 0.03 | 1 min |





