








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 356 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 192 matches | ||
| Competitive Office | 54 matches | ||
| Wingman | 44 matches | ||
| Competitive Italy | 31 matches | ||
| Competitive Agency | 28 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 27 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 18 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 17 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 16 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 14 matches | ||
| Competitive Jura | 13 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 11 matches | ||
| Competitive Grail | 8 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 3 matches | ||
| Competitive Palacio | 3 matches | ||
| Faceit | 2 matches | ||
| Competitive Basalt | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 20 different maps





Our logs show 130 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




62 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
3058 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 13,729 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1682 | 12% |
| Smokes | 3513 | 26% |
| HE Grenades | 4085 | 30% |
| Molotovs | 4449 | 32% |
Our logs show you have wasted $2,252,302 of utility $194 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 917 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #5 | Frank Reynolds | 51% | 68 |
| #6 | Nico the Fucking Rock | 49% | 143 |
| #7 | ✧ iSeeWood™ ✧ | 47% | 77 |
| #8 | jln | 44% | 81 |
| #9 | ShownCrown69 | 44% | 71 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Janno Vega$ | 14 | 0.0024 |
| #2 | Nosty | 11 | 0.0040 |
| #3 | Nico the Fucking Rock | 10 | 0.0034 |
| #4 | jln | 8 | 0.0049 |
| #5 | Frank Reynolds | 5 | 0.0036 |





