








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 789 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September


The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 190 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 181 matches | ||
| Wingman | 167 matches | ||
| Faceit | 164 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 90 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 77 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 61 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 33 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 30 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 29 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 24 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 23 different maps





Our logs show 99 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




42 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
6849 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 35,560 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 8417 | 24% |
| Smokes | 7870 | 22% |
| HE Grenades | 9878 | 28% |
| Molotovs | 9395 | 26% |
Our logs show you have wasted $4,137,833 of utility $185 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 197 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Sve[N] | 58% | 59 |
| #2 | HVPPY || | 57% | 115 |
| #3 | //sm✪ke | 55% | 118 |
| #4 | Evil Homer ꧁꧂ | 51% | 61 |
| #5 | NATIC | 50% | 750 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #3 | //sm✪ke | 55% | 118 |
| #4 | Evil Homer ꧁꧂ | 51% | 61 |
| #5 | NATIC | 50% | 750 |
| #6 | hbsn | 49% | 189 |
| #7 | stray | 43% | 63 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NATIC | 16 | 0.0011 |
| #2 | HVPPY || | 6 | 0.0026 |
| #3 | hbsn | 4 | 0.0010 |
| #4 | //sm✪ke | 3 | 0.0013 |
| #5 | stray | 2 | 0.0015 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NATIC | 1023 | 0.07 | 29 min |
| #2 | hbsn | 423 | 0.11 | 9 min |
| #3 | //sm✪ke | 258 | 0.11 | 5 min |
| #4 | HVPPY || | 185 | 0.08 | 4 min |
| #5 | Sve[N] | 173 | 0.15 | 4 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | NATIC | +3.75 | 79 | 67 |
| #2 | Sve[N] | +3.35 | 84 | 62 |
| #3 | Evil Homer ꧁꧂ | +2.37 | 77 | 55 |
| #4 | hbsn | +2.07 | 73 | 65 |
| #5 | HVPPY || | +1.75 | 86 | 54 |





