








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 901 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September




The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Premier | 266 matches | ||
| Faceit | 94 matches | ||
| Competitive Dust2 | 37 matches | ||
| Competitive Anubis | 19 matches | ||
| Competitive Inferno | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Train | 12 matches | ||
| Competitive Ancient | 9 matches | ||
| Competitive Overpass | 7 matches | ||
| Competitive Vertigo | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Mirage | 4 matches | ||
| Competitive Nuke | 4 matches | ||
| Wingman | 1 match |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 10 different maps





Our logs show 74 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




7 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
5016 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 26,310 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 7147 | 27% |
| Smokes | 7820 | 30% |
| HE Grenades | 5150 | 20% |
| Molotovs | 6193 | 24% |
Our logs show you have wasted $368,645 of utility $34 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 1331 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Gouranga | 63% | 67 |
| #2 | jonarsen | 63% | 56 |
| #3 | WHALE_PIGEON | 61% | 230 |
| #4 | rillaz | 58% | 48 |
| #5 | ab0rt | 56% | 269 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #2 | jonarsen | 63% | 56 |
| #3 | WHALE_PIGEON | 61% | 230 |
| #4 | rillaz | 58% | 48 |
| #5 | ab0rt | 56% | 269 |
| #6 | werdna | 43% | 53 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | ab0rt | 9 | 0.0016 |
| #2 | WHALE_PIGEON | 4 | 0.0008 |
| #3 | Gouranga | 3 | 0.0022 |
| #4 | rillaz | 2 | 0.0020 |
| #5 | jonarsen | 1 | 0.0008 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WHALE_PIGEON | 626 | 0.13 | 17 min |
| #2 | jonarsen | 238 | 0.19 | 6 min |
| #3 | ab0rt | 190 | 0.03 | 6 min |
| #4 | rillaz | 182 | 0.18 | 4 min |
| #5 | Gouranga | 86 | 0.06 | 2 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | WHALE_PIGEON | +3.39 | 85 | 67 |
| #2 | ab0rt | +1.77 | 73 | 50 |
| #3 | ColdToiletSeats | -0.25 | 64 | 79 |
| #4 | jonarsen | -0.55 | 67 | 69 |
| #5 | rillaz | -0.90 | 65 | 76 |





