








System Report: Annual playtime data retrived
Downloading "touch_grass.exe"


The System has confirmed 471 achievements have been successfully gathered this year* *since we updated them in September





The system has detected peak performance.
You Personal Bests have been compiled for easy screenshotting and bragging rights.





















| Mode | Matches Played | Highest Rank | |
|---|---|---|---|
| Faceit | 123 matches | ||
| Wingman | 7 matches |
Mapping data processed:
You've clocked in on 9 different maps





Our logs show 6 Chickens Have been neutralized under your command
To pay $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Feathered Bird Investigators




2 of your human shaped victims were your teammates...
Chickens... Friends... Is nothing sacred?
1304 of your kills registered with elevated levels of pizzazz


System Performance Report:
You experienced several "do or die" situations this year.
Well? Did you do, or did you die?
The System has registered 4,388 total utility used this year.
| Util Type | Amount Thrown | % of Util |
|---|---|---|
| Flashes | 1192 | 27% |
| Smokes | 1011 | 23% |
| HE Grenades | 1203 | 27% |
| Molotovs | 982 | 22% |
Our logs show you have wasted $470,506 of utility $158 per round
To pay another $5,000 to remove you from the FBI* Watchlist
*Frag Budget Investigators (Defo not the same guys as up there^)





Chat activity report generated...
You've entered 944 messages into the system this year. It was all positive, right? :)
These words were the most typed in 2025*; your typed words are highlighted.
Hover the words to see more info!
*Since we started tracking in June 2025 and with some censoring...

Talk about back pain because these 3 are heavy lifters...
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | Mr. Chillington | 50% | 8 |
| #2 | cjb | 50% | 8 |
| #3 | planks | 49% | 35 |
| #4 | powerstache1[ak] | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | PzMuffin | 41% | 86 |
| Pos | Player | Win Rate | Matches Played |
|---|---|---|---|
| #4 | powerstache1[ak] | 43% | 7 |
| #5 | PzMuffin | 41% | 86 |
| #6 | sideSWIPE | 33% | 18 |
| #7 | blitzach | 33% | 30 |
| #8 | LagoutLarry#1 | 30% | 10 |
| Pos | Player | Total Team Kills | Per Round |
|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PzMuffin | 1 | 0.0005 |
| #2 | planks | 1 | 0.0012 |
| #3 | sideSWIPE | 1 | 0.0024 |
| #4 | cjb | 1 | 0.0055 |
| Pos | Player | Times Flashed | Per Round | Flash Duration |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | PzMuffin | 321 | 0.16 | 9 min |
| #2 | planks | 114 | 0.14 | 3 min |
| #3 | blitzach | 62 | 0.09 | 2 min |
| #4 | sideSWIPE | 55 | 0.13 | 2 min |
| #5 | Mr. Chillington | 27 | 0.15 | 0 min |
| Pos | Player | Leetify Rating | Aim Rating | Utility Rating |
|---|---|---|---|---|
| #1 | sideSWIPE | +1.29 | 94 | 64 |
| #2 | PzMuffin | +0.32 | 77 | 65 |
| #3 | cjb | -0.08 | 93 | 66 |
| #4 | Mr. Chillington | -0.16 | 61 | 47 |
| #5 | adept | -0.22 | 80 | 62 |





